| I stood on the edge of the chair in room twenty-three of the Caerus motel with a telephone cord wrapped tightly around my neck and around the base of the ceiling fan. I didn’t really want to die, but I did. It was a tormenting dichotomy. There was a part of me that wanted to stay alive because I could see a small light at the end of the tunnel. Another part of me just wasn’t willing to make that arduous trek towards it. Then there was a whole other part of me that was just scared shitless of dying. What I actually wanted was to start over. I wanted a new life, a second chance, and a way to snuff the pain that had built inside of me. I hated what my life had become. I hated my choices, my mistakes and myself. What I really wanted was a time machine. |
